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[Jul. 9th, 2004|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  none | ] |
| [ | music |
| | goo goo dolls- doizzy up the girl album | ] |
retreated to what I left broken
while i could imagine a world of a stratchless frame
I knew I would ahve to come to that picture not yet framed
shapeless thought stiorred while the storm unraveled
as I fell apon that nothingness
I leanred I had never had anything
so without it turning into nothing i had had everything
and now believing made it true...whats left of these shapeless pieces
is far beyond me
not a sudden struck of luck
and a reminder pops into my head
then there will there be a rainfall falling
the clues for which i should starting remembering better
Jaded, synical and sarcastic
never holding one clue
never holding one feeling
i sit in a field where the wind sways my hair and the grass
but nothing ever seems strong enough to sway me into something that will last
or atleast stay for a moment longer
i was bored but i wrote i just got bvacks o i guess it helped...im jaded...so,metyimes synical and often sracastic...at least laetly anyway.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | soemthign corporate | ] |
FINALLY!....today i started talking to one of those friends that dicthed me and made her understand everything and why i started getting detached after eveyrthing...she understood cus she hyad sorta been feeling the same wayand i hope she wont pretend as though she never heard it before and i hope she doenst distort it either...w.e
we were all close around halloween haha we spent a whole week making these funny ass crapy fairy costumes...funny funs...so the year went on and we were all close w.e then a series of arguemnts broke out and then we were all even closer but then the friend i spoke to today started liking the same dude i liked and was havign a fling with....she swept him off his feet and never cared about what i felt...we were estranged talking some what here and there...and her and another friend name *Janet* (not really) were all into band and stuff and their little band younger dude crushes and they started excluding people like badly and then another friend who isnt really a friend tried to commit suicide so the friend i did everything with last year became all close with the sucidal chick and dissed me so the 6 of us were into split diviosn....tradeer with janet...suicidal with last year friend and they were all super close and then there was another sub division...me...yeathats me...the alone one....w.e the sucidal chick didnt like me much and did everything to get me away from them like majorly leaving me out and then the little fling dude betrayal with the chick that was good friedn with janet well there was no point in sticking around i dont think they noticed i ws there so after we got caught ditching w.e i used the excuise that my mom didn twant me around them any more which she didnt...but she got over it and then i told them the truth well i told janet i had my own reasons so they kinda all left...it was lonely but being in flags and my familys mariachi made it easier for i was always to busy to care...so that really helped and the fact that it was summer and i dont have to see them that much helped too but i had p.e but i avoided them nicely...any way i didnt talk to them after i stopped taking second semester they had little shingdigs without me they really didnt care..niether did I and last week nikole started talking to me i was kinda cold...but you know...i guess we talked...and today i explained to the chick that stole the dude i liked she told me they all cared...said they were talking about that in p.e...saying they missed me...yea but the saddness wore off till like 10 minutes later w.e and for some reason i decided to check my caller id and i saw the last year friend had called last week and i had been here and i was all confused i was like how did i not get that called soo i called but she wasnt there...today a year ago her grandma died i member so she was at the cementary and c alled me back afterwarsd i hadent talked ot her in a long time...so it was weird kinda awkward you can tell we havent talked in a while and that we're both leading different lives hers were about all those preps i hate and the sucidal chick and her friend karlas cell phone and all those things...and mine was about books mariachi flags stuff like that....we wont be able to friends like we used to...she was telling me we should watch movies at her house...i guess its cus the sucidal chick isnt gonna be there...or somethign im like the old friends last resort like seriously i have no idea why she called me last week..the suicidal chick must have not been there...w.e..............................
*the names have been changed...to ...lol descriptions!its gay....its not the same as it was nor will it ever be...useless i brather just keep geteting away...cus im not planning on going back... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2004|10:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  theres alot more tahn I knew | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the postal service & the new amsterdams | ] |
how lonely is it really?
right nmow rambling can be the best cure there a mess on my computer desk and the guy i like has said hi to me 3 times today on msn and we start but end in a dead end..where someone gets off and doenst reply again...he broke up with his gf last week cus he was being an ass and being childish...we had a fling a while ago until she came in while he was vulnerable and took him away from me we were never anything really who cares..i reckon i must have been the only one..he still loves her and its very apparent..i feel as though i should snake my way back inthere like ..SHE did...but no im not like her and i wont do that...and she was my supposed friend....HAH
im listening to the songs i heard in my dads car and how it was raining and though there was complete silence we both knew we were both there...i miss him but i dotn miss how he made my mom feel...he would rub it in her face that she wanst religous teller mean shit hes just never satisfied....i hate how im torn apart i love my mom to death even though i dont show it i feel bad for that just that im such an impatient person...i hate how he tore her apart but he was cool to be with as is she...i hate the situation...its not much of a situation for them any more...but it is for me
i used to be close to my sister...but now its no longer so she grew up and confided in her boy friend and she thinks of me so low i miss her lots we could talk about anything and everything...now she uses me to get messeges through my mom when im online...she told me i was her best friend when i was in 7th grade and she was a freshman in college...that meant alot....the sad thing is we got along when we were young and now its as though we're estranged...i dont talk much at home...i dont talk much to those i thought were frineds
theres this really bright side to my life..and theres this really dark one that keeps going on and further down...
and i must confess im more of a drawer than a painter....those paintinmgs hwere charcol drawn by me to the exact filled in by me but perfected by my art teacher... i was in 3rd grade...
when I fall in love....its a nat king cole song |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2004|01:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wEeZeR- jaime | ] |
ever heard of shunning?
well curreently it's sort of that cept I'm shunning myself from everything else
in a way while I'm seperating myself I'm also getting shunned from those I'm seperating myself.
any way hard concept but we'll see how this turns out right?
~orevwa~
whenifallinlove |
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